i can't stand this world i hope it can disappear now now NOW. if it can't, then save me by lettimg me disappear.
the difference between last time and now is that i was much more honest with myself and with my feelings. when i was unhappy, i was honest about it and would write my unhappiness all over my face. i was not afraid of how people might react to that cos i knew my friends would not make nasty comments behind my back. in fact they would come over and show their willingness to share my troubles.
but now i don't even dare to display the tiniest tinge of unhappiness or frustration or helplessness, afraid of what people may think about me, no matter how many times i tell myself 'no one's thinking about you, everyone's thinking about himself, just like you'. i don't understand why i have to put up such a fake happy face 24/7 and only show the real nasty one in front of those who deserve my love more than the rest.
this bloody world is tearing me up. gege can you please bring me to mount everest please. only then will i feel so insignificant that nothing will seem to matter anymore.
j3s came back to school for a's results today. i hope when my turn comes next year, i'll be seen beaming all over even if i'm not dressed up prettily.
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