ginger steps.

this week's trainings were the most terrible ones ever all these months. people that i like to train with were not around; it makes me feel damn guilty whenever i think that those people get to mug at home while i was there training for some competition that i know fully well i'll get kicked out after the first round; bernice is not taking part in pesta, it's not her fault but i still feel super upset; henry was teaching too much stuff and i couldn't catch them well and i was getting scoldings from him every second; i lost to mingloong 5-0 and henry almost killed me cos i displayed 0 strategy. somehow i really want pesta to be over soon, but days with all mugging and no training will be damn boring.

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i'm thinking of changing my subject combi, from h2 bcme h1 physics to h2 pcme h1 bio, which means a change of class as well. my results for physics and bio for the commons were like miles apart, and i've always preferred physics my whole life, despite the fact that i wanna study medicine in uni. heh i'm this weird la. and blah blah blah. too lazy to type down everything, if you care just give me a call please, i really need people's advice anyway. i just know that if i'm serious about changing i should change it asap before i drag longer and end up regretting even more.

but i'll miss 3s for sure. today shaun was telling me if i change class i'll be damn sad cos there won't be him around to call me a flower, and sarah told me if i change class she'll be damn sad, and for that one moment i was so super touched. and then shaun made a duck, a tortoise and a snake using the bio lab's plasticine and said they're for me. and he gave me constructive suggestions on what to do before making my decision, and he's the one that i least expect to actually even care about such things.

after that i talked to mr chan, and he, zilin and wangrui all said i should change if i really prefer physics. shall talk to mr tai tomorrow before the scholarship exhibition, and i'm really glad to have bernice and sichen to accompany me so that i'll have 2 more minds to think for me and back me up (:

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i read my past entries and i realise they do sound very sad and distressed and i think that's not good. not that i'll write happy entries just for the sake of it, but i believe i deserve a much more cheerful life and that is up to me to work for it. yup (: