as you can see, this holiday is an OH HOHOHO wonderful one for me cos i have no trainings, no competitions, no cca commitment, no cip, no this thing, no that thing. i have ALL the time to myself to study and meet up some people once in a while. i bet half of the people reading this are envying people like me cos they have so much less time to study for cts and do some other stuff as well.
BUT. i really envy people out there who are occupied with trainings and cip and things of the sort. if you give me back my 2 trainings a week and maybe my u17s in which i took part this time last year but am too old to take part again this time this year, i'll be more than happy to say yes. so i keep on asking myself why why WHY do i think this way.
and after talking to junyang last night i suddenly out of no where realised why. not that he's very inspirational, i probably would have figured out why while having a conversation with anyone at that moment, but yea that's beside the point. i realised the simple idea of having totally nothing to do during the holidays except studying is very pressurising. cos if i don't do well i'll feel like an utter loser. at least if you spend half of your time training, you can still say it's ok i was busy training this is not my true standard. ok i don't know how to explain further but you get what i mean.
and then i ask myself again why why WHY do i think this way.
and then i told myself to stop thinking this way.
ever since early secondary school days i've already concluded that i may not be an uber smart person but hey at least i can be hardworking. there are always people who are really smart, they just have to spend 1% of the time i spend on studying and they'll get results as good as or better than me. i'm not like them but it's ok. because i can be hardworking. hard work doesn't always beget good results but no hard work definitely means bad results for me. and i've assured myself this is nothing unfair. in fact i should be glad that i'm treated so fairly cos i can simply gauge my level of diligence using my performance.
so far this belief has rarely backfired me. i've had so much faith in myself when i was younger, and why can't i continue to be like that now? people may still spend 1% of the time i spend on studying and still get results as good as or far better than me, but people are people, i'm me. if i spend 100% of my time on studying, i'll do twice better than if i only spend 50% of my time. the theory's this simple. haven't my sec4 classmates always been telling me to compare with myself and not care about the rest?
and the problem now is, i'm not giving my 100%. =p hoho now this is the main issue to be thought about.
one more week to cts. MUG :D
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